I asked this girl out. I’ve always liked her. Now, I’m very nervous and I don’t know what to do. Give me your best dating advice. Please.

Relationship Advice:

I’m proud of you.

Now, I have no idea how old you are or how young you are, so I will pretend that you’re young, short and pimply. Right now, I can’t decide if you’re chubby or not. I’ll settle that a little later.

Well, congratulations. You finally had the bells to approach her, recite the lines you memorized in front of the mirror several hundred times, and stayed conscious long enough to hear her say yes. You did not spontaneously combust. That’s good. On that part, you didn’t need relationship expert advice.

This is a very common predicament among young Romeos. Most of the time, our young Romeos would dream about scenes in which they approach their Juliets and say their lines eloquently with just the right amount of bass. The dream sequence would almost always include a close-up shot of the girl. Of course, Juliet would always say yes. Unfortunately, the movie ends there. The movie may show extended scenes of elation, some kissing, some more kissing and some other things depending on the mental age of the film maker, but never a scene about actual restaurants or places to go to and things to talk about.

Now, in real life, when the girl says yes, you have to take her somewhere. And that’s where you are right now. She said yes, and you don’t know how it’s properly done.

The thing is there are no clear-cut rules on how a date should be. There are no guidebooks on how to behave on dates. Well, there are movies showing marvelous dates that we can copy, but chances are you’re no Hollywood heartthrob.

If you want to impress your date, know the things she likes. You don’t have to ask her directly. You may ask her friends or your friends who know her. Find out her favorite restaurant or preferred spot in the desert. Know the food she likes and stay away from the things she’s allergic to.

It helps to prepare some topics that you can discuss in case your brain decides to do its impression of a clam during the date. The topics don’t have to be overly impressive. Leave nuclear physics to nuclear physicists. Make sure the topics are the ones you will enjoy talking about. Squirming in your seat is not sexy.

Although the best advice is to be yourself, to be natural; it doesn’t hurt to be prepared.

There’s your relationship expert advice.

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My wife and I just got married. We’re living with my mother-in-law, and I don’t like my mother-in-law.

Relationship Advice:

Well, you didn’t really ask a question. And you didn’t exactly ask for advice on relationship. But then again, you didn’t have to. I spent several hours analyzing your statement, and I believe I got your problems pegged. You have three main issues: You don’t like your mother-in-law, you’re living with your mother-in-law, and most of all, you’re living with your mother-in-law.

Now, mothers-in-law are pleasant beings. They’re everywhere; they don’t think you deserve their daughter; they think they can do things way better than you can; and sometimes they remind you of how your wife is going to be several hundred years from now. And if your father-in-law’s around, that’s usually a preview of how you’re going to be in the future: balding and supernaturally quiet.

You are a very special man. It takes a certain kind of beast to find the girl of his dreams, marry her, and live at her mother’s house. Beast, I say.

And now, relationship expert advice:

I know you know the solution to this problem of yours. I give you that much credit, beast man. If you don’t get along with the mother-in-law, leave. Stay away from her.

Now, if there is a very strong reason why you relented to living with your mother-in-law (they’re joined in the hips, perhaps?), I suggest you use the good old-fashioned way of settling things: no, not through violence. Talk.

Now, since this is supposed to be a relationship expert advice: I’ll tell you to talk to your wife. Tell her you love her with all of your heart and soul; you’d take a bullet for her, but her mom just gets on your gosh-darn nerve every time she breathes. Tell her all about it. Maybe you and your wife can reach an agreement or a solution that may lessen, if not get rid, of the issue.

You can also talk to your mother-in-law. Settle things. Present your difficulties nicely to her. Who knows? It just might work.

Or talk to both of them. Tell them how you feel. Write a poem. Just let them know how you feel and that you want the issues settled. Let them know that you dislike this friction between you and your mother-in-law, and you, as a responsible son-in-law, only want peace and harmony in the house.

Maybe you’re the problem. Have you considered that?

Or you can just leave.

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I take my teddy bear to bed with me when I go to sleep, and my girlfriend hates it.

Relationship Advice:

You scare me. I’m actually hoping you’re a three-year-old kid with a very active imagination, but I don’t think so.

Kidding aside, I get the teddy bear thing. Some people are just not able to let go of old habits or are not yet prepared to put away their security blanket. That’s not really unheard of.

But we have to be able to put away our security blankets. We have to be able to face our insecurities and fears, or just be able to put away our favorite teddy bear. So, here’s free relationship advice just for you:  If you have issues, insecurities and whatnots, tell your girl. This could be an opportunity to further strengthen your bond. A heart-to-heart talk is always good in a relationship. This could be an opportunity for you to talk about things that are somehow unclear to you. This is also a chance to show her that being with her is the most important thing to you, and that a teddy bear (that’s probably worn out and scary-looking) will not stand between you and your girlfriend.

Find just out how much Teddy means to you. Know what Teddy represents. Take steps to let Teddy go. Let your girlfriend know that Teddy is leaving. Let the teddy bear go. I think it’s about time, too. If you were brave enough to step outside, meet the woman of your dreams and go after her, you should be brave enough to let go of Teddy in order to sustain the romance.

Basically, your girl is saying, “It’s either me or little Teddy. It stays, I go.”

My expert relationship advice is this: Ditch the bear. That’s sound expert relationship advice, if you ask me.

Come on. Did you really have to ask?

I know this is a free relationship advice, but please don’t waste this.

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My boyfriend is a dunce. I really like him, but he doesn’t get half of what I’m saying most of the time. I’d like free relationship advice, please. What should I do?

Relationship Advice:

There you are. Finally. So, you’ve seen through his abs, huh? What do you think of his Slavic features now? Sure, he’s got muscles, but can he spell? Have you tried talking to his bone structure? They’re loads of fun.

Now that we’re through with the gloating part, on to expert relationship advice.

I know you’ve thought of several options already since it appears that you’re a wise woman, but please allow me to just dazzle you with my amazing expert relationship advice.

We all know that looks are very important in a relationship. It’s the first thing that makes us notice other people. That is the reason why we dress nice and try to look our best when we know we’re going to be with this hot human being. We take a bath, shampoo our hair, iron our clothes, brush our teeth, clear the backseat of our car, check the gas, and dispose of the dead body in the trunk.

But then, somewhere along the way, we realize, or have known all along, that we really can’t promise to stare at each other for the rest of our natural life. It’s going to be a bore and your eyeballs will fall off. Honest.

You have to decide: if you want to be with your boyfriend (don’t call him a dunce), you have to change things. Tell him about this issue. Ask him to change. Also, be a changed person when you’re with him.

You don’t have to send him to college or anything. You just have to expect more from him, from each other. Change the dynamics of your relationship in a way that your interaction will somehow nourish both of you intellectually. Watch better movies perhaps. Let go of “Godzilla Vs. King Kong.”

I don’t think this is a case of “accepting your partner for who he is.” This is about bettering yourself and challenging the one you love to be a better person.

Accepting, schmepting.

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My girlfriend makes funny sounds when she chews her food. It irritates me. What advice on relationship can you give me?

Relationship Advice:

That’s easy. Ask her to stop. Chewing does not have to be that exciting.  I don’t like it. The food is already dead. Chewing food does not have to be an act of violence.

If her chewing irritates you, then you should tell her so. Ask her to stop making those funny noises. Tell her why it irritates you.

I don’t believe that this issue with the chewing is going to be an issue at all. In a relationship, there are little things we do that might irritate or get on the nerves of our partner, but being in a relationship means growing or changing with your partner. You can’t be with someone, spend a lot of time with that someone and not change her and be changed. Changing these small things is part of that process. Some would opt to live with the small things unchanged while some would decide to change them. Asking her to change her chewing habits should not be a big thing. It doesn’t have to be. There will certainly come a time when she would ask you to change some small quirks of yours. This happens to be your turn.

If something about her affects you, be it positive or negative, you should let her know. If you want something changed, talk to her. It may or may not be changed, but the important thing is that it was brought to your partner’s attention.

There are days when cranking out expert relationship advice is easy. Thank you for giving me one of those days.

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I’m new here and desperately need your relationship expert advice. I’ve been married for three months now, and although I’d say I’m perfectly happy, there’s just one thing that’s getting to me about my husband. Whenever we go out, I notice that he likes looking at other women, especially those who wear low-cut tops and sexy outfits. He barely looks at me when we’re eating, and I always catch him eyeing a gorgeous blonde. Should I be worried, and could this be the first sign of cheating?

Relationship Advice:

I completely understand why you would have issues on this and come to me for marriage advice. It seems to me like your husband may have insecurities that he projects on other people, waiting to see if other women still find him attractive. Although looking per se isn’t cheating (and won’t necessarily lead to that), the fact that it makes you feel inadequate makes it a real issue.

Again, like the typical relationship expert advice I give others, communication is key.  If you are feeling disrespected by your husband’s behavior, then by all means tell him you are feeling this way. If he says that he is merely appreciating the beauty around him, communicate to him that it doesn’t feel right with you. If your husband is truly committed to you, then he will make an effort to change. However, if he thinks that you are being unreasonable, then maybe it’s time to try to reach a compromise. You can ask him to not ogle at other women when he’s with you. If he still doesn’t agree with your solution, you can try couples’ counseling.

Think of it this way, as well: if all other aspects of our relationship are fine, then maybe you’ll let this one slide. You also have to work out your self-image issues. If you feel confident that your husband is merely looking and really has his eyes only for you, then a little visual wandering shouldn’t be a problem.

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Help! I need your relationship expert advice on this one. I’ve been going out with a guy for six months, and in the first few weeks of our relationship, we’ve been having sex twice or thrice a week. Now it’s down to once every other week, and I feel like he’s slowly losing interest. I’m not used to him rejecting my advances, and I’ve tried different ways of seducing him (cute lingerie, initiating contact such as stroking, etc.), and yet these ways are still not working. What am I doing wrong? And please tell me, how do I fix this?

Relationship Advice:

Many couples have come to me for dating advice, particularly on sexual incompatibility and the lack of sex drive. You are not alone in wondering why, after weeks of sexual bliss, your boyfriend doesn’t want to get intimate anymore. It could be different reasons, really, but the best way to find out is to communicate your feelings with him. Tell your boyfriend that you have needs as well and that it is frustrating you. Sex and money are two of the biggest issues when it comes to relationships, and if one department is not working, then the whole office (so to speak), will be affected. Go ahead and open this up with him and see how he reacts.

If you are afraid of speaking out, then consider these reasons (you may also ask him if any of these apply to him):

• Your partner could be depressed or undergoing an emotional crisis. It is best to talk this out with him. As you know, if one isn’t functioning well emotionally, then it would be hard to be physically intimate, as well. Find out what issues are bothering him.
• It could be a physical problem, as well. If your boyfriend used to be able to get it up frequently, and now whatever you do, it’s just not going that way, then maybe he should see a doctor.
• Is he taking drugs or drinking excessively? This could contribute to the lack of sex drive.
• One painful truth could be that he’s tired of you. If this is the case, the two of you should talk and find an amenable solution, one that can spice things up again. Maybe you’re always together? A little distance never hurt anyone.

These are just a number of things that can contribute to the lack of sex drive. Again, you are the best person to give yourself relationship expert advice. By talking to your boyfriend and communicating your frustrations, you have taken the first step in fixing your problems.

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I’ve been dating this guy for a few months now, and I totally need your relationship expert advice. It seems things are going well, and I want him to be my boyfriend, but he’s commitment-phobic. He tells me he’s been burned in the past and just wants to keep things light and fun. Plus, he has a kid and says that things between him and his ex were left hanging. I don’t know if I should stay and wait until he irons his issues out, or if I should start dating other people. I feel bad because he’s everything I want, and yet it seems like he doesn’t feel the same way. What do you think is the best thing to do in this situation?

Relationship Advice:

Time and time again, women have come to me asking for dating advice on men who won’t commit. While the background details may differ, one thing is common: you are all involved with men who don’t love you. Yes, it’s painful to hear, but it’s the truth. If a man is truly in love with a woman, he will do everything he can to be in a relationship with her.

Now, you have to ask yourself: what do you really want? More often than not, women who get tangled up with men who have commitment issues may be afraid of commitment themselves. You have to sort out your own issues before you can be truly ready to step into a relationship.

Yes, he may seem worth it, and you can even see him as your soul mate, but if you the two of you don’t want the same things, then he’s not too perfect now, is he? It’s pretty clear you want a relationship and he doesn’t. What’s more, he has a lot of unresolved feelings towards his ex, and this can hurt you more in the long run. I suggest you get out of this setup now, or if you think you can’t, then accept things the way they are and stop expecting this will go anywhere. That’s the best relationship expert advice I can give you.

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I really need some expert relationship advice. I’ve been in a steady relationship for two years now with this girl I met in school, and we’ve been through a lot. However, things haven’t exactly been going well, and we’ve been fighting almost every day. I don’t think that we are that compatible, and yet I’ve gotten so used to being with her that I don’t know if I can leave her.

However, I met this beautiful girl at work, and she and I have been flirting the past weeks. We like the same things, and I feel that she’s attracted to me, even if she knows I have a girlfriend. I’m thinking of pursuing this girl, but I’m not too sure I’m ready to lose my current girlfriend. Please help me out — I’m confused and not sure what to do. Should I stay with the one who loves me or go after someone I think I can truly be happy with?

Relationship Advice:

You have come to the right place for dating advice. I know your situation is hard, especially since you’ve spent two years building a life with your girlfriend, but the longer you prolong this decision, the harder it will be for you. You have to choose now, and choose only one, to be fair to all the parties involved. Now, it is time for YOU to give yourself your own expert relationship advice by weighing things.

Think of what you really want out of a relationship. Ask yourself: do I want a long-term, committed relationship with someone I can love and trust until I die, or do I just want to be happy all the time? Relationships take work, and they are not going to be pretty all the time. If you say you want a partner in life, then you must be willing to work out your issues. But then again, if it really isn’t working out for you anymore, then you should sit down with your girlfriend and talk about the next step. Be honest with her — tell her you’re already attracted to someone else. If she still wants to work it out, and you think you can give it another go, then make sure that you stop flirting with your coworker.

On the other hand, if you’ve already exhausted what you can give in your relationship, then maybe it’s time to let go. It is really you who can tell yourself what you really want in a relationship. Once you have this figured out, the decision will be easier.

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Hi! I wrote to you since I heard you’re great for expert relationship advice. I’m 16 and falling in love with this guy friend who I talk to everyday. He seems into me and we chat for hours, but I later find out that he has a girlfriend. I still let him hold my hand, though, but it never goes farther than that. I keep thinking he will eventually leave his girlfriend for me. What should I do to make him mine? I really like him, and I think he’s perfect for me.

Relationship Advice:

Young girls like you often come to me for relationship advice, and this is not the first time I have encountered a woman with a boyfriend flirting around. However, right off the bat, let me tell you that this guy sounds like a player, and it is best to forget him. The fact that he has a girlfriend means that he’s committed to her, and, really, he shouldn’t be holding other girls’ hands!

It may be painful to hear, but it sounds to me like this guy wants the best of both worlds. He wants to keep being physical with you and yet at the same time, stay in a relationship with his girl. Is it okay with you to share your man? I’m sure that even if you do want to keep seeing him, this fact will not sit well with his girlfriend.

So, keep reminding yourself: HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND.

Unless he makes a clean break and you know for sure that he has broken up with her, then it is best to avoid this situation. I understand how you may think he’s perfect for you, and he may have promised you that he will eventually leave her, but unless he actually does so, don’t flirt or have physical contact with him. This is the best expert relationship advice I can give you.

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